Jealousy is one of the few things I feel shameful for writing, sharing or feeling. Admitting jealousy even too one's self can feel humiliating. The way I have learned it is that jealousy can happen one of two ways. Consciously and unconsciously. There are people, circumstances and material things that make us jealous and we are aware of that envy inside of us. We know why the feeling is there. “I’ve always wanted one of those”, “Why did she get the promotion??”. And there is an unconscious jealousy, where you find yourself not liking a person but you can’t quite put your finger on the reason why. If you aim to be a light to those around you, you are stunned as to why you can’t be your happiest, most open and enlighten self with them. They always seem to rub you the wrong way even when they don’t say or do anything outright offensive. So what is it? How can it be that you are able to spread love, light and pure sunshine to anyone else but not to certain folks? What is it? Is it energetic? Is it them? Is it me? How come I don’t know, nor do I understand where this feeling is sprouting from?
If you’ve been doing the work, which is therapy, mindful thinking, healing past/childhood/unconscious traumas, forgiveness; then thinking about how we think isn’t new to you. Reframing how we think about ourselves (I am ugly, worthless, unwanted), life (is unfair, I am a victim to my circumstances and God (loves others before me, the universe doesn’t listen to me, I am only a spec that will die unnoticed) is all part of undoing the damage that has been done by our perception of our experiences. Anger, sadness and jealousy work very much the same. They are all based on what we are accustomed to or never had the joy of having. Jealousy is a result of wanting things you don’t have or maybe things you wanted in the past or craving how it makes the others feel. For example, I can feel jealousy rise up when someone else imitates the person I want to be. I can feel jealousy rise up when I see a father and daughter with a better relationship than what I had growing up. I can feel jealousy when I see someone happy with something I don’t have and don’t really want either?! We are all searching for a feeling and at times we will join, buy, envy to attain that sentiment. Even though we don’t want the same thing exactly or at all! Again we are looking for that sentiment, be it acceptance, approval, forgiveness, freedom etc. Problem is our metric is off. We are looking for certain things but measuring it with temporary and superficial metrics. We want to be thought of as beautiful and irresistible so we complain about how instagram models are overrated, dumb, lazy, slutty, attention seekers etc. Yet we desire the attention given to them. Ask yourself, why does it bother you that much anyways? What are certain things you can go on a tangent about unprovoked for as long as anyone will listen and then some? Uh? Why does it bother you so much? Write it down.
The things that irritate us are often presented as anger, superiority or “just an opinion” but that my friend is jealousy. There is a part of you that agrees more than you believe you disagree with that person. You are more alike than you think and that’s why you butt-heads. The difference is your scarcity mindset. You have conjured up the belief in your gut that they have a thing they don’t deserve and instead of you being proud of them and getting it yourself, you now believe that they have screwed you over for going for it! The universe is abundant and plentiful. There isn’t only one model of the car you want, you can still purchase it. There isn’t only one soulmate (I personally believe), go out and find your person. There isn’t only one of everything. You can’t blame others for receiving; you should be grateful and use it as a reminder that the giving train hasn’t stopped running. You can also get in on it if you practice believing that the universe is abundant.
This takes work but I have started using that 5 Second Rule as demonstrated in Mel Robbins' bestselling book. The trick is to count backwards from 5 and get it done! I have been counting down from three instead of 5 because I have the magical ability to make up an excuse per millisecond and talk myself out of anything! So I use the 3 Second Rule to think about something else, forgiving myself for being so mean to someone in my head and realizing that I am infact jealous of what they have, experience or feel. I don’t like to sink in jealousy, anxiety or overthinking too long; so the 3 Second Rule has really helped spring me out of the quicksand that is our negative emotions and limiting beliefs. These feelings are normal, but the problem starts when they are unchecked or not attended to with patience and grace and take over the best parts of you. I struggled feeling like a terrible person for not always feeling happy for others, but the key is forgiveness of one's self and supporting others with gratitude and in order to manifest the things that you would like in life.
Grateful people are happier people. Learn to support people from a place of love or let them go. Unfollow them or anything else you need to do to not feel like you're in competition with everyone else on this planet. Admitting jealousy feels awful because we feel like we are admitting to being "inferior"or "behind in life", but it’s the beginning of knowing how to harness your negative emotions and thought patterns. It’s the beginning of being compassionate to one’s self through forgiveness and supportive of other happy humans through gratitude!