Let me fill you in
So it's been a long time since writing on here despite wanting to. I started this blog page about 4 years ago and honestly loved posting weekly. Every Monday morning. I would write the post the night before and even as soon as I thought of an idea. These days, it's a little harder to write even though I know how beneficial it is for me to keep a schedule, share my thoughts and vent.
We all have to admit that the pandemic has affected and continues to affect how we live, eat, sleep and relate to ourselves. And if you have had your fair shares of inconveniences like losing a job, getting Covid-19, your family going through illness, anxiety, trauma or whatever it may be. You find yourself overthinking about things that are said and done. We are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I personally find myself knit picking at my healing and things that I had "gotten over". My depression is not as bad as it was in the beginning of the quarantine, and I'm learning to be easier on myself on days that I feel "useless". Yes I often correlate being unproductive, messy and now self-employed as being less than. I know it's not right but my brain jumps to conclusions before even I decide what I am.
It helps to understand that we are not our emotions. Yes I have a lot of feelings, that I am very much aware of. But I also know that I can breathe through this and transcend these emotions. Yes I feel lazy and behind on life but that is only a feeling, not reality. I agree that feelings guide us in knowing how we are doing but I also strongly believe that they are simply often times projections that we have internalized.
Am I actually a shitty friend or am I being made to feel that way on my own because of x,y,z? Sometimes I feel like I'm not smart, productive or interesting because I don't do specific things. And often times I have no interest in that activity, person, item but embody the idea that I am not enough/not doing enough because I don't have the thing I don't actually want but have been made to feel like I should.
I know I'm saying a whole lot for your Monday morning but these are things I have to get out of the way before creating meaningful content on here, on Instagram and on the podcast! A huge part of my time on the internet is spent sharing about my mental health, and now that I'm ready to be honest with myself, I'm ready to be honest with you!