art in isolation

art in isolation

is waking up every morning and looking at your hands

it's dark in here

my hands look like a shadow of my fingers

I never notice how long my fingers are til I look at them first thing in the morning

apparently I have piano fingers

...I don't play anymore

art in isolation is silence

it's not texting you back even though you don't deserve that

but I don't want to

I really don't want to

I hope you're fine, but I don't think I should be the to ask you anymore

I can't check in on you without being a liar

art in isolation is thirst

it's running a tap in the dessert

it's a craving that can't be quenched

it's an itch you have to scratch

it's a hunger you have to attend to before going down for breakfast

art in isolation is being a ice cold bitch

all your worst sides come out

I can't pretend to like you

I can't pretend to like what I don't like

...not anymore

Truth is I think you're fake and shallow and I don't have to like you

and I'm not a better person when I pretend to

art in isolation is desperation

I know you don't like me like that

but still I'll paint a picture

I'll test the ebs and flows of the waters in case you changed your mind

I'll make a million excuses for you

I'll get over it and then reconsider then convince myself to get over it again

why? because I now have time to paint pretty pictures

art in isolation is viva la resistance

it's ignoring and avoiding everything

it's doing nothing but eating and walking around the block only to make up for doing nothing

it's hating myself for it

but never doing anything about it

it's an endless cycle of self-harm

art in isolation is living in limbo

it's time travel and deja vu or even alternate universes

it's never knowing if something is real or imagined

it's feeling high when you're sober

and dead when you're alive

it's not knowing what is truth and what is illusion

it's getting lost amongst the smoke and mirrors

art in isolation is exhaustion

it's using all your resources and energy not to think

not to break apart

it's stopping panic attacks by refusing to fully exist

art in isolation is lust

it's human instinct

it's fight or flight

love and hate

it's doing what you want and ignoring what you despise

it's feeling good without consequences

it's being careful that you don't panic

that you don't feel worse

so you lust over every little thing that makes you mildly happy

you call people you shouldn't and you indulge in what is forbidden

art in isolation is being isolated but comforted by all your inner demons

it's making due with what you have left

when you take away the lights, the colors and the noise

this is what we have left

when the world takes away our paint brushes and sponges we find another way to paint in isolation

this is art in isolation