the 10 minute post

i'm going to write a whole lot in ten minutes and publish whatever comes up. I will set the timer now...

I made a friend right before the reading week break. His name is Remi and he's an exchange student from France. I get to practice my awful french with him and he answers in English to practice. Oh and we're also in the same mediatation class...

I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I got up on a stage a did a spoken word that people enjoyed. I mediated before the performance that I would remain calm despite the outcome. But people keep talking about it or asking me to post it already and I can't lie, it's getting to my head. And nothing good comes from thinking you're the shit. Or maybe i'm being too hard on myself, that if I enjoy it and others enjoy it too then there's no problem waiting to happen.

I might have to graduate later then I was hoping but still by the end of this year. It's partially my fault and partially just my kind of luck. Either way I have to get out of here soon not by cursing this place but by giving it love. I'm going to manifest a miracle graduation by showing love to all the memories and mistakes that have happened here.

I am actively trying to patch up all of my relationships and friendships. Although that sounds stressful, it's not, it's overwhelming. It's overwhelming how much of a shitty friend I've been to everyone. I want to buy them dinner or a coffee or christmas presents and beg them to take me back.

Don’t Start Now by Dua Lipa is a bopppp

As of lately matcha latte > coffee but never over orange pekoe

I’ve been sleeping well and getting a lot of writing done so that’s a plus but at the expense of other things

Last week I missed my regular Pilates class so I sat in on the Wednesday class and I fell in love. I feel bad, but I want to switch out

I forgot that a new month was kicking off this weekend. So I didn’t do laundry or anything to spiritually or physically prepare...wish me luck

I was in meditation class today and when asked to assess our mood I thought I was okay but my brain was screaming distress, distress, distress

I like Netflix documentaries but I hate watching them alone

I’ve been trying new comfort food recipes when I really should be doing other things though

I finally settled on a podcast name and that’s about it. That’s literally all I know about podcasting at this point

I was late to my english class and got nervous about going in so I waited it out then just left.

I got 3 free books and they’re actually interesting

Starbucks is doing this deal where you can get a 100 reward points (which is basically two coffees or teas or a bagel and a coffee) if you visit three times in a row. I know I shouldn’t but free coffeee people

Sometimes I wake up feel guilty that I’m alive

Sometimes I wake up and I hate myself. Not like I hate my nose or my butt. I hate who I am. Me as a person which is soo much meaner. I don’t like my decisions, where I am and that fact that I am alive and he is not. I feel like to withheld something from him. Like I took something from him because I am alive and he is not.