Letting go of attachment


For as long as I remember you were always there. Two steps behind, but always there. From moving from our New Brunswick home to learning to rollerblading right here in Ontario, being Pokemon obsessed, being bald together, switching from schools to schools, coming in from outside with grass stained pants from bike racing the other kids, beating you up, getting the chicken pox together and finally learning to play nice with each other, because we were no longer going to be the only siblings. We wouldn't fight unless you were being completely unreasonable. We would hang out, rotate movie options without bothering Ma, got over our fear of dogs and swimming and actually didn't mind being around each other. Many more years went by and we graduated, learn to drive, went to post secondary studies and just changed overall. You went off to college and I went to study in uni, I cut all my hair and you grew out yours, you picked up the drums then the bass like dad and I stopped playing the piano, I always speak my mind you prefer to keep the peace, you always get mistaken as the first child and someone once thought I was the fourth child!!!

All this to say that we have inevitably changed since we were kids, since last year even, and even from each other. Finding our individuality means growing, appreciating change and letting go of our attachments to expectations.

Last weekend, it was my baby brother's 20th birthday and I was over the moon excited about doing something at home! His birthday fell conveniently on a snowy Sunday and I had planned to make pancakes. I got the candles, rainbow cake mix with cream cheese icing, drinks, his gift and I think that's about everything. Oh and I planned to just get take-out and rewatch the Marvel series from the very beginning. But that didn't happen. Pancakes were served (not by me and) an hour before I woke up, "20" candles were already purchased, an ice cream cake was already in the fridge waiting post-dinner time, unexpected people somehow hiked through the snow and showed up, and movie night was cancelled. Right then and there I wanted to get mad at the disorganization, at all the unwanted surprises, but I didn't. Firstly, I accepted that I got wayyyyy too ahead of myself and drove all around town getting things without consulting everyone else. Secondly, my brother doesn't care that much for me to get all upset over "nothing". I was about to ruin my day by hanging on to expectations that were longgg gone. So at 1:00 pm in the middle of the kitchen (that seemed to never stop getting cluttered), I surrendered and just declared "I give up all expectations I have about today". I felt sooo much better. I backed off and let everyone else put there two cents in.

It's not like I was giving up on mission: make-sure-everyone-has-a-great-day, but I accepted that it's not just about me and that I don't have to be in control for things to turn out fine. I surrendered it into the hands of others, which makes most people anxy, but that's trust for you. I trust that those around me our capable of pulling their own weight, I trust that they are working with me and not against me and I trust that I made the right decision in trusting them. Trusting others with full confidence is evidence that you trust yourself. You trust your judgement, your gut, your choice, your truest self, your mistakes and your past self. You trust that everything bad and everything that has passed still has something in store for you (even if it's just a lesson on what not to do).

Like I was reading in The Seven Laws of Spiritual Success, the law of detachment is the law that says to allow yourself and others the freedom to be who they are and to not force solutions and ideas of how things should be. You still need to make a plan, but let go of your idea of exactly how things are going to turn out (because almost nothing ever goes according to plan). We are powerful beings who are capable of creating our own lives, but there is a more powerful being that controls the time, space and specificity of how it all plays out. So why not give it up? Why not surrender to the One that is greater then you. Why would you not want to take weight off your shoulders?

So to my brother entering his 20's and everyone else reading this, I hope you come to a point where you trust yourself enough to trust others, the timing of your life and the spirit that ties it all together. I hope you accept the present whether pleasant or unpleasant, accept that you can't always know everything, you can't always control everything, but can find inner peace through letting go of your attachment to expectations.

Happy trusting yourself,